Site Logo
Dating online > 18 years > How to get guy friends as a girl

How to get guy friends as a girl

Site Logo

One thing's for certain though: It's not because they're less drama. In fact, sometimes it feels like the opposite. How many times do you have to say there's nothing romantic going on between you? Just because you get along and have a great time together doesn't mean you're soul mates, gosh. Whenever they learn something new and gross about periods, they feel the need to confirm the information with you. They'll never understand your obsession with One Direction, or Kylie Jenner.

SEE VIDEO BY TOPIC: How to Be Friends with Guys

SEE VIDEO BY TOPIC: Why Men and Women Cant be friends

Is it Okay to Let Your Girlfriend Have Guy Friends?

Site Logo

And just the other day, Ryan had a similar question in the latest Carnival of Dating Advice :. JFav and Ryan are right - there isn't an article on Girls Chase yet about turning women into friends - so let's correct that situation. That's a clip from When Harry Met Sally , and a good introduction to the problem with male-female friends: the sex thing. What Billy Crystal is talking about is something you're always going to deal with when looking for female friends - the inevitable question of sex and attraction.

Men's friendships are generally "alliances" where the men have teamed up to shoot the breeze, watch each other's backs, or accomplish some shared objective, like traveling the world or getting girls or building businesses.

There's also the "close friend" type friendship, which is common to both men and women - this is different from any of the pure "alliance," "security blanket," or "social elevator" friendships you'll see.

This one's a genuine close connection between two people who simply get along very well and are emotionally connected and have similar interests, aspirations, and directions in life that complement each other rather well.

These friendships are the most enduring, but they strengthen or weaken as the parties' goals, interests, and directions move closer together or farther apart, respectively. Unless dealing with two very sexually and romantically inexperienced individuals, these friendships are always one-sided; that is to say, one friend sees the other as a potential partner, while the other sees the first friend as an ally or a security blanket or a social elevator.

I won't go into male friendships - we talked about those quite in detail in the article on guy talk. But what I would like to delve into a good deal here are the four kinds of dynamics you can have with women from the standpoint of forming friendships:.

If you've ever found yourself relegated to the friend zone , you're all too familiar with the security blanket role. This is the nice guy waiting in the wings biding his time; he's usually attracted to her, and she usually isn't much or isn't at all attracted to him.

If you have any trouble getting your head around this one, check out " The Sad Tale of "Shopping Guy" " for a pristine example of this; my guess is most men have run into this at one point or another, or at least watched their friends loll about in this unenviable role. The security blanket friendship is one where the girl spends time with someone only because it makes her feel better about herself and more secure.

It's the nice guy friend, or the fat girl friend. The friend she's able to be around with and think to herself, "See what a great person I am? I allot some of my time to her! A lot of men get upset when they realize that women see them this way , but they shouldn't. I've heard it said that the men control the resources, and the women control the men; and this is generally how things play out. A woman is always looking for men to have around her who can provide resources to her and make her feel safe and secure.

This is a basic survival instinct, and there are many men willing to compete for those provider roles. Sometimes the nice guy provider friend role becomes a romantic and sexual partner eventually; frequently this is not the case.

However, for men with no better options with women, this at least provides them "a chance," even if that chance is not all that considerable. This is the person a girl becomes friends with because she perceives him as being higher in social status than she is, or because she sees he has access to high social status she'd like to use him to connect with and get into the good graces with. Likewise, women are interested in men as friends who provide some manner of social elevation for them too - the guy who's connected with all the big bosses in the firm the girl and he both work for; the guy working as the head bouncer who can usher her into that popular club she likes free of charge without waiting in line and get her into exclusive after parties; the guy who everyone considers the most popular kid in school, or the most dynamic go-getter at work with "rising star" written all over him.

All these men can help a woman elevate her position by association, and gain access to higher caliber people. Let's stop here and consider the differences in goals and objectives men and women have in friendships for a moment. Gaining access to mates isn't actually a primary consideration in men's usual friendship building with the exception of the friend who wants to be more than a friend, of course , but for women, the underlying reason for seeking to elevate one's position is ultimately to gain access to the highest caliber mating options available.

The instant a woman lands a man she's thoroughly satisfied with all the way around, her efforts to social ladder climb abruptly stop, and her interest in friendships with social elevators dries up and shrivels away. The close friend is an extension of one of the three main friendship archetypes the alliance male , and the security blanket female and the social elevator female. Close friends evolve out of one of these friendships that proves valuable to both members and where both members of the friendship become close, open up to one another, and come to emotionally associate with, care about, and bond with one another.

The most common close male-female friendships you'll see are between homosexual men and heterosexual women, but even these often become sexual - many mostly homosexual men have bisexual tendencies, and as the relationship becomes close, the woman gets desires for the man she believes she can't have, and eventually one night with too much drinking something happens.

What I'm going to advocate you focus on building in terms of female friends is close friendships that you ideally never get sexual or romantic with. These can evolve from either security blanket or social elevator friendships on the woman's side; they'll always be alliances on your side ; but the end goal is, you reach a point where you and a girl are intimately close with one another while refraining from physical intimacy. This one blurs the lines on all the others, because there is always a question of "What if?

Where you want your friendships to end up is such that your female friend is a lot more interested in sex with you than you are with her. That doesn't mean you're dis interested; it just means you could take it or leave it, but you're pretty sure if she had a chance she'd take it. If the positions are reversed - if you're a lot more desirous of her than she is of you - then you aren't the one calling the shots in the friendship, and you're going to have a hard time maintaining this friendship as something that generates value to your life - a friendship where you can't stop thinking about your friend as a partner candidate is a giant distraction.

It impedes your ability to meet new women and saps your will. Not so for women - women keep getting approached by new, charming, attractive men, no matter how hard up for you they might be.

And women are far more practical than men are - and far more likely to take a look at a guy they're crushing on and say, "Well, if he isn't going to give it to me, I'm going to let this other guy do it instead. In fact, some of the women I've made girlfriends of mine were crushing in a big way on some guy friend of theirs before we got together, but it didn't stop us from getting together oftentimes, these men decide they actually do like the girl after all, but only once it's too late and she's off the market with a man she sees now as more attractive than she sees them.

Such is life One of you is always going to want the other more than the other wants him or her. My advice to you as a man is to make sure that the one with greater desires is her , not you. And if you end up in a friendship where you're falling head over heels for a girl who sees you as just a friend, it's time to close up shop on that friendship and get out now before it becomes a poison for you and for her Like we discussed in " How to Make Friends?

The Master Key to New Friendships ," forming new friendships is really rather difficult for most people outside of the classroom or the workplace or, sometimes, where you live. And even in those environments - classes, work, or your residence - you're only becoming friends with whatever people happen to be present, and that you happen to have enough in common with.

If anything, I think this actually puts you at an advantage. Most people don't know how to make friends, and they don't know where to find friends, and they don't know how to meet the caliber of person or the kind of person they'd like to get to know to have as a friend anyway. You, on the other hand - at least after reading that article on making friends, and this one on making female friends - do. In the article on making friends in general, we discussed the impact of social constraints on the ability to make friends.

That is, the more socially constrained someone is - the more restrictions society places upon him or her - the tougher it is for that person to make new friends. In general, you will find that women have more social constraints than men do. Women tend to have fewer, closer connections than men do, while men have more and shallower connections than women do. Men simply keep looser networks with more people in them; most women do not.

When you're reasonably new to socializing, you may find girls who are club queens among the easiest of "desirable" female friends to make. That's because club queens employ a more masculine "loose, shallow" network of friends and acquaintances than the typical "few, close" network most women do. But as you want to meet more and different kinds of women, the question becomes how do I break in with all those OTHER girls?

Because once you start trying to make female friends in earnest, you'll quickly find that the great majority of women are:. Already at or near full social capacity if she's living in a city or town she's "established" in - i. For those three reasons, you'll find it's easier to make female friends sticking to the following three rules:.

Aim for more outgoing women as friends. Girls who are outgoing are more comfortable interacting with others socially; they're more experienced; less guarded and skeptical; and more likely to take initiative in making the friendship happen. They're also generally better female friends for you - while reserved people can be deep and interesting, women who are thoughtful and reserved tend to make far better mates than they do social acquaintances, for a variety of reasons we'll go into below.

Make yourself very valuable to have as a friend. If you're doing the stuff we talk about on this site - if you're a talented conversationalist , if you deep dive , get to know girls , maintain an edgy , sexual vibe - you'll be very attractive as both a potential mate and a potential friend to just about every woman who meets you.

The more "in-demand" a person is, the more she must be able to recognize instant, immediate value gains by having you in her life, and most of that is fundamental stuff like your nonverbals and your conversational aptitude.

Look for women new in town - or newly single. Simply for practical reasons - when people are new in town, they tend to start on "social circle building" sprees anywhere from the moment they first arrive in town to 3 to 6 months in, and these generally last 6 to 9 months until they have a firmly established new circle - and then they reduce their social activity from the fevered pitch it was at while building the circle to a more subdued "hanging out with friends" pace.

Many women will also launch on friend-gathering expeditions following breakups, too - especially if the relationships they were in were long and they'd been socially out-of-touch for a while. Women are much more open to new friends while in one of these "new in town" or "newly single" friendship-finding modes than they are once they're established with a core group of close friends and connections.

As with male friends, you want to front-load your value in making new female friends - that means, ask not what your friend can do for you, but what you can do for your friend, to paraphrase John Kennedy. The point is to just start inviting her to stuff - the cooler and the more diverse the activities you invite her to, the better.

Especially if you aren't someone who likes doing a lot of stuff, this might be a little hard for you , but it's well worth doing because:. It gets you trying lots of new things you ordinarily wouldn't try, building up new reference points for you and making you a better conversationalist and better at relating to a broader swath of the people you meet.

It teaches you to be a better host and makes you a shoe-in for the "social elevator" role , making you better at planning activities, gauging what new people you've just met will like and not like, and discovering which activities are good to do with which people, and which activities are not.

It paints you as a fun, energy-bringing , high value individual, which is the kind of individual that most women want to be friends with. On that latter, you want to avoid anything with any kind of "date" feel to it - brunch is usually a good option here, as is meeting up for a happy hour just the two of you after work, or meeting up for a bite to eat just the two of you before going out to join a party or night on the town with more people.

The reason why you want this mix of group activities and one-on-one activities is to cover both bases in the friendship: the group activities are to make it clear that this is a friendship and that's what you want it to be, while the one-on-one activities are to give you the chance to really get to know her and her to really get to know you and for the two of you to form a real, deep, meaningful connection with one another as friends.

If you only do group activities, you'll tend to get slotted into "just" the security blanket or social elevator type of friendship. You need to build a personal connection with a girl through some one-on-one meetings too if you want to move beyond these and get a real, close friendship going on. It is possible to have "friends you hook up with," although I'd advise you against this.

It usually tends to ruin the friendship - one friend always gets more emotional than the other. Even if you sleep with a friend now and both of you go back to being pure friends after without any problems, when one of you goes through a rough spot with dating or relationships and abundance mentality starts to fade, there's a very good chance you or she begins looking back at that one night of pleasure through rose-colored glasses and pining for your friend to be something more.

And at that point, the dynamic of the friendship changes completely. One of you becomes needy, and the other quickly feels that the friendship is no longer what it once was. The mentality of wanting to have female friends so that you can "sleep with them sometimes" is also a bad one for the reason that it's overcomplicating things and making life difficult for you - if you want to sleep with girls , just go find girls to sleep with and sleep with them, don't overcomplicate things by trying to be platonic friends first.

Save friendship for women that you will not have sex with , even if some part of you might find the idea a little intriguing.

Of course Building sexual tension with your female friends is great fun, both for them and for you. It immediately sets you up as a "potential mate," which makes the friendship much more solid and meaty in addition to whatever other elements the friendship already had closeness, social elevation, security, etc.

It electrifies the friendship, and gives it an undercurrent that you simply don't have with male friends. There's a constant question of, "What if? There are some other reasons why it's very good to build ongoing sexual tension with female friends, too:. It electrifies the friendship. The one we just talked about.

What To Know About A Girl With Mostly Guy Friends

A common question we get asked is: Is it okay to let your girlfriend have guy friends? If your girlfriend is a woman of good character who is loyal and trustworthy, then okay. Having friends, both female and male, outside the relationship is quite normal and common for many couples.

Point is, you're not a couple, so limit the time you spend doing couple stuff. Not to say that you can't see a movie together now and then, but guy friends are better in groups! For guys, bodily noises are the goodtime equivalent of shoe shopping!

Especially as we get older, men often have fewer close male friendships. Worst of all, this lack of close relationships could be very, very bad for us. Prolonged loneliness can have serious consequences for cognition, emotion, behavior, and health —and may even speed up physiological aging. Ironically, as we start our journey to becoming men, some of us become preoccupied by worries about not fully reaching some manly ideal. During this time, we may also start to see other men as competition—probably some primal vestige of our more Darwinistic caveman days, when the only thing that mattered was A Am I strong enough to fight you?

How To: Get A Guy Friend

Wanna score all the best beach reads? We're helping you fill your fave beach tote with all the latest sizzling summer titles. Which Disney villain are you? Answer these Qs about your texts and we'll tell you if your crush is flirting Let us choose which Netflix series you should binge next. I want guy friends! All my friends are girls, but I really want guy friends, too. I'm starting to get a little sick of how my girl friends are so caught up in how they look.

23 Things That Girls With Mostly Guy Friends Understand

For most of my life, I've been a woman with male best friends. I don't mean that in some gross, off-putting "I don't get along with other women because I am way too sexxxy" kind of way — most of my friends do happen to be women. But for whatever reason, I've typically also had more close male friends than the average lady. When you're a woman with a male best friend, people think that you're up to something. They can't quite agree on what it is — are you trying to get laid?

And just the other day, Ryan had a similar question in the latest Carnival of Dating Advice :.

Can men and women be friends? Avoid sending mixed signals and losing friends of the opposite sex with these expert-backed tips. There's a clear line between being interested in a guy's life and being interested in the guy. At least, we think so: Men often misinterpret female friendliness as sexual interest, while women often think a guy is just being nice when, really, he's flirting, says a new study in Evolutionary Psychology.

How to Be Friendly (Not Flirty!) with Male Friends

It's challenging enough to make new gal pals , but just how do you go about adding a few dudes to your roster of friends? While I do adore seriously, beyond adore my girlfriends, there's something a guy friend that's unlike anything else. Guy friends—at least mine—are wonderful about giving straight forward advice.

Updated: March 12, References. Are you a girl looking to expand your social circle to include some boys? With that being said, it is possible to form boy-girl friendships with a little planning and effort. If you want to be friends with boys, try to be relaxed and friendly when you meet a new guy. Introduce yourself and smile, but be patient, because sometimes it takes guys a little while to warm up to someone new. As you get to know your new friends better, casually mention that you would like to hang out and play video games or go to the park some time.

How to Make New Guy Friends (Who Will Introduce You to Their Guy Friends and Help You Score a Date)

The truth of the matter is that guys and girls can definitely be friends without venturing into romantic territory. And while some of them may be, there are girls out there who just think a guy is cool as a friend. Not all guys are issues when it comes to trying to be platonic friends. The second you flirt, you open the door to anything but a platonic relationship. Your best bet is to just think a little harder about what you say and the way you say it if you just want the guys to think of you as a friend.

are clear. Experts offer advice on how to have male mates without leading them on. Don't Treat Guys Like Your Girls.

Human connection happens naturally, no matter what gender you are. Girls who find complete peace with their male crowd aren't suffering from girl deprivation; they just like what they like, and that's that. So, before you judge the girl who surrounds herself with an awesome bro squad, understand a few things about her first. Humans of the opposite sex are more than able to be cordial without intimacy. Give humankind a little more credit than that.

Can Men Have Female Friends In Relationships?

Questions like: How close is he to that female friend? How often do they hang out? Do they spend time alone? How sexy is she?

Making Guy Friends as a Man: Male Friendship 101

Хорошенькая картинка. Беккер застонал и провел рукой по волосам. - Когда он вылетает.

Сьюзан с облегчением вздохнула: - Туда, где твое подлинное призвание.

- Плеснуть чуточку водки. - No, gracias. - Gratis? - по-прежнему увещевал бармен.  - За счет заведения.

Затем Сьюзан сунула ноги в туфли и последовала за коммандером. - Какого черта ему здесь надо? - спросил Стратмор, как только они с Сьюзан оказались за дверью Третьего узла. - Как всегда, валяет дурака, - сказала Сьюзан. Стратмор не скрывал недовольства. - Он ничего не спрашивал про ТРАНСТЕКСТ. - Нет. Но если он посмотрит на монитор и увидит в окне отсчета значение семнадцать часов, то, будьте уверены, не промолчит.

Выход в Интернет. Здесь есть браузер. Соши кивнула.

Comments: 1
  1. Samugis

    I join told all above. Let's discuss this question. Here or in PM.

Thanks! Your comment will appear after verification.
Add a comment

© 2020 Online - Advisor on specific issues.